Dear Friend,

Hi, how are you? Not as well as you’d like, I am sure.  Life is hard, girl.  Its not easy to yearn for something that is always elusive.  Like a father’s love.  No man can ever fill that “daddy hole” in our hearts.

As you know, I’ve married four men.  And,  there have been countless other relationships through the years.  I always believed that they could give me what I needed, wanted, yearned for.  They were just as broken as I was.  All I received from them was abuse, infidelity, addiction, alienation from my children, leaving me even more battered and bruised.

I drank, drugged and sexed harder, trying to dull the pain.

This last marriage almost killed me.  I ended up addicted  again.  This time to prescription drugs prescribed by my psychiatrist because I was suffering from complex post traumatic stress disorder.  I drank on those medications, trying to kill the enormous well of pain. Alone. Abandoned by “christian friends” rejected by most people I told my story to…I became utterly alone in the prison of my own making.  I withdrew from people, self protecting from any more pain.

It was my Maker and I.

I wanted out of this life.  I lost everything.  The loneliness was deafening.  The well was deep.

It was then that I cried out to my Creator.

You have heard it all for years.  Just as I had. I didn’t want to hear it anymore.   Head knowledge does not equal recovery.  Head knowledge does not take away the pain and suffering, regret and self loathing.  It does not heal addiction.

I wanted to hear only from Him.  Nothing else would do.  He showed up when I surrendered ALL.

I love you my friend….hugs…

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