Up to this point, I had assigned blame to ,my father and a [partial blame to my mother.  All my life I have wrested with doubting the Fathers love for me. I have in turn always wrestled with the relationship with my parents even to this day.  My father has colluded with the abusive men in my life., (after all, as he has always said to me “birds of a feather flock together”), Now I understand why he has always been chummy with the former abusers rather then be protective of me, his daughter…abusers speak the same language.

This morning during my meditation time, I found myself wrestling with connecting with not only the Father, but with Jeshua.  This time was different though, this time it was so profoundly clear, all the previous lovers that betrayed me and abused me came into my minds eye as also the scriptures came to me portraying Jeshua being the Bridegroom and I His Bride…I was projecting unto Jeshua the characteristics and attributes of those abusive men as I did with the Father for so many years.

After four marriages to abusers and other tries at other relationships I feel  totally cynical about love.  I have given up on “It”..At 54 I doubt that I can ever allow myself to believe a man ever again, not after what the last one did to me.  The lying, the gaslighting, the deceitfulness, he was cunning and dangerous.  It was just like being married to the devils twin.

But, I know in my heart I cannot turn my back on this love relationship with the Almighty.. Where do I go? What else is there to exist for?  Who else is there if not Him? For what purpose? I still choose the Messiah.  I still choose His love.

He is not a man that He would lie.  He is not a man that He would play games and not tell the truth.  He is not anything  like the past abusers.  He has been the faithful One when all the others were not. He was the lover of my soul when the other ones did not love me.  He has been my provider when the other ones did not.

Yes, I choose Jeshua Elohim as my Bridegroom.  I choose to be His Bride,to be loyal and faithful to Him, now and forever….that is the New Covenant for this Modern Day Samaritan Woman….blessings…

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