As I ponder scenes of long ago

playing in my mind uninvited

I realize this must be the key

to unlock hurtful thoughts and feelings about myself and life.

Long ago father grew up;

shamed to his core by his mother.

My grandma drank booze, It killed her.

Slowly its poison seeped  through her veins,

into every fiber of her being, her soul was murdered:

so was my father’s, his child within,

by neglect, abandonment  physical abuse, he stuffed his feelings.

Those childhood feelings, never met were ignored.

In adulthood they remained, those needs

masked by inner and outer rage, stuffed pain.

My mother so meek and mild

as a child too grew up with booze.

abused too, stuffed her pain, buried it in her soul

needs put aside to served others

In marriage they nurture each other

conflicting childhood demands imprinted

in minds so confused

echoing images still alive, enmeshed

haunting memories wont die,

Their children, I am their only one,

who now understands the ricochet effect

 of  neglect and abuse

for I too suffer the shame and pain

of alcoholism in the families veins.

It’s best not to take a drink or sip

cause you don’t know the lurking within

of genes haunting your family tree

maybe never to escape imprisonment

of being shackled to the bottles’ poisonous venom.

dedicated to my son Jason. died 2002 due to murder or suicide. drug related